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How to Help a Friend or Family Member

If you know someone who is being abused, you can help by showing you care. Let the person speak confidentially about their situation and without judgment. You may be the only person with whom they feel comfortable. Show you care in these ways:

  • Listen to him/her.
  • Believe what they have to say.
  • Do not minimize the struggle he/she is experiencing.
  • Do not judge him/her.
  • Do not blame him/her.
  • Assure him/her that they are not responsible for the abuse.
  • Give him/her the toll free domestic violence hotline number: 888-774-2900
  • Direct him/her to resources in her community for victims of domestic violence.
  • Let him/her keep important papers and extra clothes at your house.
  • Tell him/her it's not their fault. You can never make someone else hurt you.

Physical violence or abuse in any relationship is never acceptable. Tell him/her that they deserve to be safe. Help him/her learn not to deny or minimize the abuse. Assure your friend that violence in their home does concern you. There is no excuse for abuse. No one deserves to be abused. Domestic violence is a crime in Connecticut.

How do I know if my friend is being abused?

  • Have you seen evidence of injuries?
  • Have you heard and accepted explanations for black eyes, bruises or broken bones?
  • Does he/she work missed work frequently?
  • Have you noticed changes in his/her behavior?
  • Does his/her partner embarrass or ridicule her in public?
  • Does his/her partner blame her for the way he acts or the things he says?
  • Does him/her partner show an unusual amount of control over her life?

What Can I Do?

  • Focus on his/her strengths.
  • Give him/her the emotional support to know she is a good person.
  • Read about domestic violence. There is a wealth of information on this website.
  • Learn the stories of other victims to help your friend understand he/she is not alone.
  • Encourage him/her to develop a safety plan, to think of ways to escape quickly.
  • Help when you can with transportation, child care, groceries.
  • Consider volunteering for your local shelter program.
  • Be patient. It takes time to bring about change.